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”Gary said, “You stood in the center of the street, calling me a murderer, and you shot at me. You blew the back window of my car to smithereens.”“Don’t be a baby. If I had wanted to hit you, you’d have been dead,” Stacy said.“I don’t believe you,” Gary said.Stacy said, “I don’t care what you believe.”“That’s a lie,” Ed said. “You do care.”Gary said, “I don’t think I want to have this discussion with you here, Ed.”“I agree.”“You’re stuck with me,” Ed said.Gary said, “If I didn’t care about Betsy so much, I’d quit. She needs me.”Ed looked astonished. “What do you mean ... she needs you?”“She needs a friend. She needs someone who will listen to her and try understand her situation. That poor girl is lonely,” Gary answered.“You’ll jump on her and destroy another woman,” Stacy said.Gary shook his head. “I’m not eighteen. I’m not interested in having sex with her. She needs a friend and I want to be that friend.”“This is an interesting development,” Ed said looking off into the distance. Over many a beer during their endless televisual sporting events, Sam had lamented his paucity of pussy. That’s where my pussy came in…so to speak. Donald was going to wait for an appropriate beer-soaked moment and offer up my services “don la chambre” to make up for this perplexing shortfall at home. While Donald was putting the finishing touches on his “Wife Giveaway” scheme, I went on a diet and started working out five times a week. If I was going to have to take my clothes off in front of strange men…goddamn it, I was going to give them something worth looking at. One Tuesday evening, Duplicitous Donny came home chortling and informed me that the offer had been made and accepted over Buffalo wings and Heinekens. Sam would be visiting us that Friday to not watch the basketball game. Time to ratchet up the partner pain. For the rest of the week I wouldn’t let Donald near me. I was “saving it” for our guest. The day of, I made a big show of getting my hair done and having.
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